THE SIX SECRETS OF CONFIDENCE
Want to know a secret? Want to know how to live a confident life?
I know you do; you crave it, dream about it and see it all around you and aspire to have it. It keeps you up at night, it feeds your inner critic and naughty, negative gremlins when your mind starts wondering and thinks:
‘What if I was more confident?’
‘I wish I was more confident’
‘I have no confidence in myself’
‘I used to be confident, now I’ve lost all my confidence’
If only I had the confidence to make a decision’
I could never do that, as I don’t have any confidence’
Why do I know this? Because that’s what you tell me. I am here to shine some light on the ‘Confidence Myths’ and my six secrets to embracing a new confident you.
1. It’s only easy when you know how
Many people think I am super confident, they see me talking at networking groups, facilitating training courses, at events engaging in conversation and laughter or even just walking down the road.
If you hadn't met me before, anyone would think I was a hot, young millennial, who cat walked from event to event, squeezed into size 6 designer outfit, woke up at 5am every morning for a gym and juicing fix and had the perfect pair of tits and teeth. You couldn’t be further away from the truth with this vision of perfection!
The reality is that I am a fifty year old, curvy & cuddly foodie, who would only wake up at 5am to get a flight or go to the loo, whose tits have seen better days and teeth, I am only too grateful for the fact that I still have some left!
The stereotype of what one needs to look like, to be confident, I have crushed. So, if like me, you don’t conform to the myth of stereotypical, model like vision of confidence, then read on.
Confidence is not about what you look like, it’s what you feel like inside that really counts. Don’t get me wrong, putting on a great outfit, that is the right colour, shape and fit for you and your personality most definitely raises the confidence boosting gauge from none to ninety in a heartbeat, but there is more to confidence than the outer shell. I see plenty of well-dressed people lacking in confidence.
The most beautiful thing you can wear is confidence.
2. What’s really blocking ME
I always feel that when it comes down to confidence it is a little bittersweet. Let me explain a bit more. Let’s talk about the elephant in the room.
CONFIDENCE vs ARROGANCE
When you own it, feel it, exude it and practice it – lots of people don’t like it.
When you don’t own it, feel it, exude it and practice it – it goes unnoticed.
Confidence is often misinterpreted as arrogance. In my observation of the confidence crisis that I see in the UK, is that it’s often related to the humble British being, that worships politeness and modesty
You’re damned if you do (have confidence) and damned if you don’t (have confidence)
So here lies a block already. Work with that statement and give yourself five minutes to contemplate what having confidence really means to you.
Do you worry, that by coming across confidently, you would feel judged? If the thought of acting confidently makes you wince, then explore why? Were you told when you were younger that ‘nobody likes a show off’ or ‘sit down and be quiet’, ‘stop doing that, everyone is looking at you’? Is the idea of making a confident decision associated with the fear of being perceived as selfish? Let’s have a look at the two definitions:
CONFIDENCE - the feeling or belief that one can have faith in or rely on someone or something.
ARROGANCE - unpleasantly proud and behaving as if you are more important than, or know more than, other people Here lies the difference.
I’d love you to welcome confidence into your life, own the self-belief, the self-assurance, conviction and trust your instincts.
You may well know more than other people if you are an expert in your field, have experience, or if you’ve studied and investigated a subject, it does not mean you are arrogant.
What do I know about confidence? It’s unimportant, but what is imperative is what you know about confidence and how you perceive it. Connect to what your fears truly are. Have your fears been deeply buried for decades but are now dying for the permission to be set free. Only you can do that. 3. Learn it
I have learnt mine over the years, I’ve practiced, I’ve visualised, I’ve had very strong words with myself and most importantly let things go and understood the importance of living a life that is true to ME – hence the business name!
What I would say, to those who long for confidence is:
1. We are not born with it 2. We can learn it 3. We can own it 4. We can ALL be confident in the areas of our life that we crave.
There are many techniques I coach, to learn how to feel more self-confident and assured. Working out which area in your life needs more of the stuff, is paramount
4. You are confident already.
Why are we our own worst enemies? The pressure we put on ourselves is punitive and self-destructive. Want to know a secret? You are already confident, you have evidence to show you are, but you just don’t know it.
What do you do each day? Do you, like me, wake up, get dressed, feed the family, self and cat? Brush your teeth, get ready for the day ahead, get in the car and drive to school, work or anywhere else? Do you walk there instead?
Are you confident with doing all these things?
Like me, are you are parent who is raising a family, who makes packed lunches, helps with homework, makes terrible costumes for Roman/Greek/Victorian day? YES
Like me, do you walk? YES
Go food shopping? YES
Go deep sea diving? NO
Like me, are you confident deep sea diver? It’s a no, right?! Of course we are not confident deep sea diving, however, if you spent several months training, learning and practicing, then your confidence would grow, or you’d make the decision that deep sea diving isn’t for you and let it go.
Confidence is often wrapped up alongside habits, when we get out of the habit of doing certain things, like working, presenting, running a business, writing content, mixing in groups, studying, cooking, baking, exercise, making decisions or listening to our gut reactions then our confidence falters.
But we do have confidence, we have achieved confidence and we know what to do to regain it. Sometimes we just need a little extra help or words of encouragement.
If, like me you do not want to be a confident deep sea diver but do want to improve confidence with something else that you crave, then grab your journal, write down all the evidence you have where you HAVE confidence, and sit with that list until you feel a little glow.
5. Make a plan, design your confidence goals and take action.
Now you know you are confident in many areas, it’s time to plan for the areas you want to improve. Planning for change, planning for the first tiny steps to gaining confidence and have a clear vision of what is needed. I offer a mini life audit to highlight the areas that are working well and the areas that with a few tweaks and change of habits, could lead you towards living a confident life. Free from overwhelm, stress and anxiety
6. Be true to yourself
Confidence comes from feeling really good about yourself as a person. It’s about being connected to you, your inner and outer voice, body language, colours, actions and core values. Living a life true to your values boosts confidence, helps with decision making and builds resilience. Working on mindset supports with feeling confident.
Think of confidence as a big muscle, the more you work it, the stronger it becomes. The more you tell yourself ‘I am a confident person’ the more you build your self-belief. What you tell yourself matters, so stop with the punishing self-talk and begin the positive affirmations and start making plans. Confident people still get attacks of self-doubt, the difference is they will not let their fears stop them from achieving their goals.
Now ask yourself, am I a confident person.
‘Always remember you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think’ Christopher Robin
If you want to change, but still unsure on how, please get in touch to find out how we can work together to build on living a confident life.
Now it’s all about ME Clare Percival -Life & Business Coach- Trainer & NLP Practitioner -Tribe Boss -Psychologies Magazine Ambassador- Professional people watcher -Podcaster - Blogger
⭐️Phone: 07904 332339
⭐️Facebook•Instagram: Now its all about me coaching
⭐️LinkedIn ⭐️Podcast Resonate and Reflect
Member: European Mentoring & Coaching Council:
The Life Coach Directory: The Women’s Business Club:
The Life Leap Club