© 2017 by Clare P


I'm not invisible, or dead, I'm a 40 plusser

April 22, 2018



A 40+ woman's take on modern day lifestyle, championing the fact that at this 40+ age we are more alive than ever. I felt positively revolutionary after attending an AmDram production of 'Made in Dagenham' courtesy of  The Barn Theatre, Oxted, last night. It's still relevent to this present day #equal pay. A terrific performance, with a few flashes of 'Harold Wilson' and his pipe plus Barbara Castle. Names from yester year, and a wonderful reminder of girl power. Thanks to those Dagenham Ford working women, 1970 saw the Equal Pay act, but we are still NOT equal. This has to change. 



 I need to share my emotional trauma this week. The loss of Dale ‘supermarketsweep’ Winton. I loved that ‘bleep’.  From going ‘wild in the aisles’ to the one-minute shopping trolley dash.  One of my life’s biggest regrets is NOT applying to be a contestant on the show (always wanted to be in team yellow) As a 40 plusser you would know and share those TV classic moments and inflatable items. RIP Dale.   




This week it’s story time my lovelies, not one with Princes, frogs or happy ever afters, but one of a 40 plusser. I am an old romantic at heart, so it is tempting to ‘dress’ up the story, a bit of glitter here, some fairy dust there, and not forgetting a tall dark handsome man on a stallion (erm that maybe crossing over to Jilly Cooper)



Now back to the story, or as is known in this modern-day life, the blog. I’m not invisible or dead I am a 40 plusser.  This is a homage to my 40 plusser sisters, a platform to share, gain comfort, laugh, cry and relate to the topics and articles.

Don’t worry if you haven’t reached that ripe age of 40, you will 😊 also if you are 50, 60, 70+ this blog covers all decades. I feel that things start to ‘change’ around this age, so that is where I am starting.  

As a 40 plusser this is the game changer, the hugest time of change since puberty, only the major differences are:


We’ve got loads more shit to deal with.

For example, to name but a few: 

  1. Family

  2. Mortgage/stupid high rents

  3. Children, young, tweens, teens or adults – doesn’t matter they are always your children

  4. No children

  5. A past

  6. A partner

  7. A single status

  8. Elderly parents

  9. Deceased parents

  10. Pressure to look 21

  11. Hormones

  12. Social media.


Even my pets are sick. Thank God Sauv Blanc was invented…



However, my lovelies, you are not alone. This blog is for you. If you are feeling down, or talking to someone isn’t hitting the mark, I’m not invisible, or dead, I am a 40 plusser is here. 

So, back to the ‘story book’…..how did I arrive to this ‘light bulb’ (energy saving of course) moment, that 40 plussers could do with some moral support? Well, let me tell you a story....


When I turned 40 I escaped with the family to Australia to celebrate/commiserate the occasion. I didn’t feel right, faking the fun in the sun. My Mum had been diagnosed with breast cancer, but all was going well at that time, but I felt a hole in my heart. Fast forward a year for my 41st birthday, which was spent in an ambulance with my Mum, taking her to hospital after a collapse at her home (200 miles away). She’d fractured her spine; the cancer had spread to her bones and within 5 months she was dead. The next few years were full of dealing with her estate, changing jobs, raising 2 young children, a partner that worked night shifts and increasing weight gain. Oh, not forgetting the hormones changes.



( My 40th birthday in Noosa, QLD, Australia - where the kangeroos and super cute koalas live -along with my missing girl tribe Mandy, Kelley and Tanya . Little did I know then that so much would change in ME.) 


I did feel invisible, I did feel like I was dying slowly inside, but I did have my girl tribe. As I was getting older, I realised that aging is akin to my bras, more support required (in my case a JCB)


On the flip side, with the ‘every cloud’ phrase, this motivated me and showed me life was too short to be unhappy, unfulfilled, wearing dresses that didn’t suit my personality, a wardrobe in Beiges and Navy’s and a job I felt I was ‘caged & restrained’ in. I’d met so many women, of a similar age who hit 40 and suddenly thought ‘how did that happen’. The reality was that woman was ME



I was not expressing myself. I was living somebody else’s life. A groundhog day of mammoth proportions. Influenced by the need to conform. Confused and still grieving, I lived day to day, too scared of facing the reality. I was getting older and the things that meant the world to me a few years ago, were now unimportant. I hadn’t found the ‘new’ thing. Sound familiar?



Helpless and bloody peed off that I felt helpless. I recognised I needed help when someone asked me to describe myself in 3 words. I couldn’t.




I changed. I dug deep (eventually) and went on a mission to feel like I had a purpose. One that was more than existing as a wife (or partner in my case) a Mother, a good friend, these were merely all labels, I wanted to know ME. The biggest journey of my life and one I had hidden from for years under the ‘I’m too busy’ label. I had help, support and many wobbly moments. Oh, and GIN



Now my mission is supporting others who may be thinking the same things, feeling the same way and wondering WTF happened. Improving confidence, feeling brave, knowing oneself, giving up the fight against personal development and embracing a life less ordinary and one with more inner strength to shout from the nearest mountain (or in my case Reigate Hill) I AM ME AND I LIKE IT.



I call this the ‘hot chocolate’ feeling. The one that makes you sigh ‘ahhhhh’ after a long chilly walk in the winter. Not the ‘ahhhhhh’ that you utter when getting up from an armchair afterwards *creaks*huffs*puffs*



This week I would love you all to embrace a colour. Not navy, beige, black or grey. A proper colour like purple (regal and creative), red (powerful and sassy), yellow (bright and energy giving), I could go on, I think you get the point. 



I will be embracing even more colour this Thursday 26th April at The House of Fraser in Epsom, for a day of Colour with Clare. If you are nearby and would like to book a slot, or pop along to the 2 colour group talks on ‘How to ROCK’ your colours, then all the details are on my website www.nowitsallaboutme.co.uk






Loving the Issa colouful boho vibe -look at this beauty -perfect for softs, lights and warms -'it's mine' she cries


Have a wonderful week ahead, I'll be in Scotland next weekend on a micro adventure, external mindfulness retreat with a new tribe....can't wait to share


Stay colourful








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